» Jokes

Doda · Gold Member

The nerve endings," said Gabriel. "How many will I put
in her hands?"
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Two-hundred, O Mighty One," replied Gabriel.
"Then we shall do the same for this woman," said The Lord.
"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's
genitals," inquired Gabriel.
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Four-hundred and twenty, O Mighty One," replied Gabriel.
"Of course. We did want Adam to have a means of
receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn't we?
Do the same for woman," said The Lord.
"Yes, O Great Lord," said Gabriel.
"No, wait!" said The Lord. "Screw it, give her ten-thousand.
I want her to scream out my name."

Doda · Gold Member

here was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

Doda · Gold Member

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the

midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm

afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. " O.K. Do you have a
boyfriend?"
asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner
then?"
"No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own." After the
birth
the midwife again speaks to the young woman, "You have a healthy
bouncing
baby girl, but I must warn you before you see Her that the baby is
black."
"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money
and
nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man
was
black." "Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of
my
Business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions
But I
Must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well yes," the girl

again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my
business
either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the

movie, I really had no choice." At this, the midwife again apologizes,

collects the baby and present her to the girl, who immediately proceeds
to
give the baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother

exclaims, "Thank god for that!" "What do you mean?" says the midwife,

shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible

feeling that she was going to bark."

Luxian · '

What's the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales?

- A white fairy tales starts with "Once upon a time....". A black fairy tale starts, "Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit ..."